I want my own Action Figure Writer Doll with Book-Throwing Action.

After all, it's not that often that a "product" so matches my desires and inclinations. I don't want a swiffer, or the latest stilleto gladiator slave sandals. I  don't want pink ruffled undies that itch and creep to wear while pole dancing in my bedroom, no matter who thinks they're both a good idea.

But I DO want intelligent feminist, book throwing dolls that have laser vision and transform into mega-dinos.

So marketers, take note! I will not buy your stupid slap chop. I will not buy your stupid old-lady flowery bathing suits. I will not buy your tacky gnome lawn ornaments or a fancifully patterned dustpan or your beyond stupid giant SUV. But I will shell out cold hard cash for these - and would love to see this ad run during the superbowl.