Sunday, January 17, 2010

What kind of CHEESE are you? And what does it mean if you're Limburger?

The Quiz Book for Boys just hit the bookstores, and I'm looking forward to presenting it at upcoming school visits this week in Toronto and in Lindsay, Ontario.

As is always the way when writing a book, a lot of my fabulous, fabulous words don't make it into the printed edition - page counts and editor's sensitivities to vulgarity being what they are.

So in the interest of whetting reader's appetites, and salvaging some of those otherwise un-read words, I've decided to post one of the quizzes that just didn't make it into the offical Quiz Book here . Not that this very cheesy quiz isn't completely worthy of inclusion; but in the toss-up between What Kind of Underwear are You? and What Kind of Cheese are You?, well, we all agreed to  go with Briefs over Brie.

So get out your lactase pills and lipitor.  Answer the questions and follow the instructions. When you are told your cheese name, scroll down to the bottom to find what it says about your inner fromaginality.

Ready, set Go(uda)!

What Kind of Cheese are You? (and what does it mean?)

1. Your favorite sweater is:

a. full of holes.> Go to question 2.

b. blue> Go to question 3.

c. striped. > Go to question 4.

2. Where would you rather go on vacation?

a. To see the fjords of Scandinavia>>>>  You are Jarlsberg

b. To ski in the Swiss Alps>>> You are Emmentaler

3. Which character appeals to you most:

a. A mouse detective>>>> You are Stilton

b. A mermaid>>>> You are Danish blue

c. A pirate> go to question 5.

4. what’s your favorite animal?

a. Goat>>>>>>>>>You are Chevre

b. Elephant >>>>>>You are String cheese

c. Sea slug>>>>>>You are Brie

5. Which would you prefer:

a. Eating snails in garlic butter>>>> You are Gorgonzola

b. hunting for treasure in the basement of a German castle owned by a one-eyed monster? >Go to question 6.

c. Bungee jumping from the top of the CN tower.>>>>>go to question 7.

6. Do you consider yourself to be:

a. Daring and adventurous? >>>Go to question 8

b. A class clown > go to question 7

c. Star material > Go to question 10.

7. Which would you rather be:

a. A star goalie> go to question 11

b. A superstar soccer forward> go to question 9

c. A megastar tiddly winks champion go to question 10.

8. Which “book: would you rather read:

a. Escape from valley of the dinosaurs>>>> You are Limburger

b. Sherlock Holmes meets the Earl of Sandwich>>>>>You are Cheddar cheese

c. Soldiers on Skateboards >>>> You are Buffalo Mozzarella

9. Which movie would you rather see:

a. Surfin Safari>>>>>>>>>> You are Monterey Jack

b. Frankenstein meets the Abominable snowman>>>>You are Munster

c. Scooby Dooby Sea-doo >>>You are Cottage cheese

10. How much is 12 x 3?

a. 36>>>>> You are American cheese slices

b. 3 dozen. >>>>> You are Parmagiana

c. I don’t know. >>>You are Cheese curds.

11. Which little pig do you like best?

a. The one who built the straw house>>>> You are Strawberry cream cheese

b. the one that built the stick house>>> You are Cream cheese with chives

c. the one that built the brick house> You are brick cheese

Jarlsberg – You are a little nutty, but get along well with others.

Emmentaler – You are neat, orderly, and cuckoo about clocks.

Stilton – You love the finer things in life – expensive clothes, expensive cars, hedgehogs.

Danish Blue – you prefer to keep to yourself. Others find it difficult to get to know you. Those who know you realize you are very, very strange.

Chevre – You have a tremendous appetite for life. You tend to chew on your pencils, notebook, tin cans.

String Cheese – You prefer the simple things in life – dirt bikes, baseball caps, and astrophysics.

Brie – You are soft hearted and have a tendency to pass gas in class.

Gorgonzola – You have strong opinions, many of them incorrect.

Limberger - You are strong, powerful, with a talent for annoying people.

Cheddar cheese – You are extremely popular among hamsters and the criminally insane.

Buffalo mozzarella - you tend to be stubborn, with a fondness for wide open spaces and cud.

Monterey Jack – You have a talent for finding things. So get lost.

Munster – your strengths include a commanding presence and small pores.

Cottage Cheese – You are a little shy, but you have a great sense of humor.

American cheese slices – Did you say something?

Parmagiana – You are the life of the party, the heart of the matter, the soul of a pizza.

Cheese curds – You are 100% pure Canadian.

Strawberry cream cheese – You are a little sweet, and very tenderhearted. What’s not to like?

Cream cheese with chives – You’ve got a sharp wit beneath a mild mannered exterior.

Brick – You are solid gold, and just as dense.

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